Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
