wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
