hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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