dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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