i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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