Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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