Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
