My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
