its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
