I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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