there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
