Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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