i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
