Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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