dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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