Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
