kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
