evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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