I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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