then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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