It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We just shotgunned beers for America
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
