He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
