we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
