just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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