Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
