She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
