Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
