Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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