How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
