I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
