That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
