I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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