i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
