Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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