At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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