Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
