i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
