Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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