Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
