onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
