I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
