I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
