Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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