I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
