Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
