yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
