I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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