i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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