its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
