I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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