Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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