Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
