I cockslap morals
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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