i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this boner is exhausting
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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