i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
