So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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