the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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