shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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