I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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