The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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