My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
