you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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