Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
