Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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