i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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