what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
