There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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