I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
