I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
