I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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