I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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