i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
