he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize