In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
