so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
