the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
